What God Has Joined Together – IV

Posted on 12 Jul 2020, Pastor: Tolu Makinde
Title: What God Has Joined Together – IV
Text: Eph. 5:22-33
[Eph 5:22]  Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
[Eph 5:23]  For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.
[Eph 5:24]  Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
[Eph 5:25]  Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,
[Eph 5:26]  that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word,
[Eph 5:27]  that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.
[Eph 5:28]  So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.
[Eph 5:29]  For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.
[Eph 5:30]  For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.
[Eph 5:32]  This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
[Eph 5:33]  Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Last time, we discussed the following:
  • Men and Women are different creatures
  • However, they have equal honor
  • We are different by design
  • Our brains are wired differently
  • We speak differently, and resolve issues differently
  • Wives submit to your husbands
  • Husband is the head of the wife
  • Wives are subject to their husbands
  • Husbands, love your wives as your own bodies
Feeling of Love
  • Love requires an outward action to inspire an inward feeling
  • It is one thing to love someone, it is another thing for that person to feel loved
  • Men and women feel loved differently
  • Men feel loved when they are respected, trusted, supported, accepted, and admired
  • Women feel loved when they are cared for.
  • [1Jn 3:18]  My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.
  • Demonstrating love is not by word of mouth.  It is by action, what you do, not what you say.
Main Topic
Men Demonstrating Love
  • A man ought to show his love to his wife by sacrificing, nourishing, cherishing, honoring, and understanding her
    • This makes the wife know that she is loved.
  • Eph. 5:22-33
    • Husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church.
    • Christ is not a dictator to the church.  He was a servant leader
    • Men ought to lead their wives as Christ led the church – servant leadership
    • Love your wife as Christ love the church
      • Christ loved the church to the extent of laying down his life for her
      • Men ought to love their wives to the point of death.
    • The church is the body of Christ
      • A woman is the body of the husband – so husbands must love their wives as their own flesh
      • Remember the statement of Adam, “she is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh”
    • Jesus wants to present to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing….
      • Men ought to present to himself a wife without blemish, not having spot, or wrinkle
      • Women don’t like wrinkles anyway, so make sure she doesn’t have one.
  • The success and happiness of the marriage is highly dependent and determined by the style and quality of leadership of the husband at home
  • Men ought to sacrifice, nourish, cherish, honor, and understand their wives
  • Definition – to forfeit something highly valued for the sake of something else valued higher
  • Phil 2:5-8 – Jesus sacrificed His life for us, because He valued us —- higher than His life
    • [Php 2:5]  Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:
      [Php 2:6]  Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God:
      [Php 2:7]  But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men:
      [Php 2:8]  And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.
  • Men ought to make sacrifices like this for their wives.
  • A husband is expected to protect and provide for his wife, at a cost to him.
  • He is to lead by caring and not by controlling.
  • A husband must be willing to suffer some loss for the sake of his wife…
  • If there is no loss, it is really not sacrifice.
  • Jacob served Laban for 14 years to marry Rachel…..Gen 29:20,28
    • [Gen 29:20]  And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her.
    • [Gen 29:28]  And Jacob did so, and fulfilled her week: and he gave him Rachel his daughter to wife also.
  • Men, you must forfeit something highly valued for the sake of your wife
  • Definition – keeping the wife alive and well.
  • To care for and to pamper like a bride being prepared for marriage
  • To attend to the wife and help her be who God wants her to be physically, mentally, and spiritually
  • Women, you must allow your husbands to take care of you.  It is his duty.  Let’s stop all these independent woman facade. We were not created to be independent, we were created to be dependent.
  • Physically –
    • Provide for her physical needs. Food, shelter, clothing, etc.  All the things that will make her feel beautiful on the outside
    • [1Ti 5:8]  But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.
  • Mentally –
    • Provide for her emotional needs.
    • Tell her how much you love her as often as possible
    • Tell her how beautiful she is as often as possible
    • All the things that will make her feel beautiful on the inside
    • Song of Solomon 4:1-16
    • [Son 4:1]  Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves’ eyes within thy locks: thy hair is as a flock of goats, that appear from mount Gilead.
      [Son 4:2]  Thy teeth are like a flock of sheep that are even shorn, which came up from the washing; whereof every one bear twins, and none is barren among them.
      [Son 4:3]  Thy lips are like a thread of scarlet, and thy speech is comely: thy temples are like a piece of a pomegranate within thy locks.
      [Son 4:4]  Thy neck is like the tower of David builded for an armoury, whereon there hang a thousand bucklers, all shields of mighty men.
      [Son 4:5]  Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins, which feed among the lilies.
      [Son 4:6]  Until the day break, and the shadows flee away, I will get me to the mountain of myrrh, and to the hill of frankincense.
      [Son 4:7]  Thou art all fair, my love; there is no spot in thee.
      [Son 4:8]  Come with me from Lebanon, my spouse, with me from Lebanon: look from the top of Amana, from the top of Shenir and Hermon, from the lions’ dens, from the mountains of the leopards.
      [Son 4:9]  Thou hast ravished my heart, my sister, my spouse; thou hast ravished my heart with one of thine eyes, with one chain of thy neck.
      [Son 4:10]  How fair is thy love, my sister, my spouse! how much better is thy love than wine! and the smell of thine ointments than all spices!
      [Son 4:11]  Thy lips, O my spouse, drop as the honeycomb: honey and milk are under thy tongue; and the smell of thy garments is like the smell of Lebanon.
      [Son 4:12]  A garden inclosed is my sister, my spouse; a spring shut up, a fountain sealed.
      [Son 4:13]  Thy plants are an orchard of pomegranates, with pleasant fruits; camphire, with spikenard,
      [Son 4:14]  Spikenard and saffron; calamus and cinnamon, with all trees of frankincense; myrrh and aloes, with all the chief spices:
      [Son 4:15]  A fountain of gardens, a well of living waters, and streams from Lebanon.
      [Son 4:16]  Awake, O north wind; and come, thou south; blow upon my garden, that the spices thereof may flow out. Let my beloved come into his garden, and eat his pleasant fruits.
    • And you think God is not romantic…
    • When her emotional needs are met at home, there will be no opening outside for anyone to try to meet her emotional needs
  • Spiritually –
    • Provide for her spiritual needs
    • Pray for her
    • Lead and teach her in the way of the Lord as Christ is teaching us in the way of the Lord.
    • Pray with her regularly, there is nothing as powerful as a prayer of unity between the husband and the wife
    • [Mat 18:19]  Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.
      [Mat 18:20]  For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.
  • So, her physical, mental, and spiritual needs must be met.
  • Definition – to protect with tender loving care
  • Demonstrate that your wife is precious and special to you, that after God, she is number one in your life
  • Tell her sweet things that will make her head swell, and take every opportunity to adore her, touch her, kiss her, cuddle her, even in the public
  • Hold her hand, even when you are just going to the store
  • She should not be 3 steps behind you or ahead of you, she should be by your side
  • Cherishing enhances romance in the marriage
  • Sex within the marriage is a big part of that
    • Men are ready for sex anywhere, anytime, even inside a bottle
    • On the other hand, women see sex as a process that cannot be rushed
    • It does not begin in the bedroom, but rather in the living room, kitchen, with talking, cuddling, touching, playing etc.
    • It does not begin when you are about to go to bed…but from the morning by the small things you do before going out to work
    • Call her at work just to let her know that you love her and you can’t wait to see her.  She will be thinking of you all day
    • If you cherish her, it is guaranteed that there will be fewer headaches at night
  • Men, cherish your wife
  • 1 Pet. 3:7
    • [1Pe 3:7]  Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
  • Honor is what you give to acknowledge the value and worth of what is being honored
  • Ways to honor her
    • Praise her publicly – let people know that you appreciate her
    • Say Thank You often
    • Wait for her patiently and joyfully…
    • Seek her opinion on important matters in the home
    • Respect her feelings
    • Buy her gifts..not necessarily expensive.
    • Listen, listen, and listen to her
  • Men, honor your wife
Understand Her
  • There are two ways to understand a woman, unfortunately nobody knows either one.
  • Understanding her is a lifetime process, so you must be patient with her
  • The more you listen and pay attention to her, the more you will understand her
  • The more you understand her, the better your relationship will become, the happier your marriage will be.
  • “A happy wife is a happy life”
  • Remember when you were dating that woman, how you used to treat her…don’t let it stop because she is now your wife.
  • Whatever you cooked up for that woman to marry you, you must continue cooking it.  If you stop, that would be false advertising.
  • If you mistreated her when you were dating, she would not have married you.  So, continue to treat her the same way as when you were chasing her.
  • Men, remember that women are multipliers.
    • You give her a house, she will multiply it into your home
    • You give her a seed, she will multiply it into your children
    • You give her groceries, she will multiply it into your meal
    • You give her trouble, she will multiply it into your headache
    • So, give her whatever you want back from her
  • Men, patiently understand your wife
  • The way a man feel loved is different from how a woman feel loved
  • To make a woman feel loved, men must
    • Make sacrifices for her
    • Nourish her
    • Cherish her
    • Honor her
    • Understand her
  • If you do these things, it is guaranteed that your wife will feel loved and will make your marriage a better one.
  • Next week, we’ll talk about how women ought to demonstrate their love….so bring your wife to listen.