What God Has Joined Together – V

Posted on 19 Jul 2020, Pastor: Tolu Makinde
Title: What God Has Joined Together – V
Text: Eph. 5:22-33
Text: Eph. 5:22-33
[Eph 5:22]  Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
[Eph 5:23]  For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
[Eph 5:24]  Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
[Eph 5:25]  Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
[Eph 5:26]  That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
[Eph 5:27]  That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
[Eph 5:28]  So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
[Eph 5:29]  For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
[Eph 5:30]  For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
[Eph 5:31]  For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
[Eph 5:32]  This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
[Eph 5:33]  Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
  • Previously: Purpose of Marriage, Leave and Cleave, Men & Women are different, Men Demonstrating Love
  • Part V: Women Demonstrating Love
  • Eph 5:22-33
    • Wives submit to your husbands
    • Husband is the head of the wife
    • Wives are subject to their husbands
    • Husbands, love your wives as your own bodies
  • Feeling of Love
    • Love requires an outward action to inspire an inward feeling
    • It is one thing to love someone, it is another thing for that person to feel loved
    • Men and women feel loved differently
    • Women feel loved when they are cared for.
    • Men feel loved when they are respected, trusted, supported, accepted, and admired
Main Topic
  • A woman ought to demonstrate her love by submitting to the husband
    • Submission is central to a man’s need as a husband.
    • A man feels loved when his wife follows his leadership in the home by choice
    • This is fulfilled by respect, trust, support, acceptance, and admiring.
    • Women do not like the word “submission” because the word has been misunderstood
  • Submission “IS NOT”
    • Inferiority –
      • Jn 10:30 – Jesus and God are one.
        [Joh 10:30]  I and my Father are one.
      • Jesus was not inferior to God
      • However, Jesus fully submitted to God’s will
      • Your submission to your husband does not make you inferior to him
    • Intellectual Suicide
      • It does not mean your brain is no longer functioning
      • Submission does not imply being dumb
        • The woman that cleaned the husband laptop by running it through water.
        • There is no husband that wants a dumb woman as a wife.  She will cost him money.
      • You are to submit with your brain fully engaged
    • Passivity
      • Does not imply that the wife should not be seen and not heard
      • She should be very active, and contribute fully to the marriage
      • She is not a slave
    • Silence
      • Submission does not imply that the wife ought to be quiet at all times
      • Silence in marriage is like a cancer in the body – it kills the marriage slowly and softly
  • Submission by the wife is the willingness to place herself under the leadership of her husband. 
  • It is by choice, and an expression of respect and trust.
  • [Eph 5:21]  Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
Demonstrate Submission
  • Respect
  • Trust
  • Support
  • Accept
  • Admire
  • Appreciate
  • Be Affectionate
  • Respect in a marriage is not a feeling.  It is an action that must be given, whether the wife feels like it or not.
  • Respect is not optional, it is essential in a healthy marriage.
  • Focus only on the positive areas of your husband rather than the negative.
    • [Php 4:8]  Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
  • Sing praises of him to those that care to listen
  • Focus on his position as the head, and you are the follower.
  • 1 Pet. 3:5-6 – Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord….
    • [1Pe 3:5]  For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:
      [1Pe 3:6]  Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
    • No wonder Abraham did whatever Sara wanted. 
    • She asked him to go into Hagar. Abraham did and Hagar gave birth to Ishmael.
    • Then she asked for Hagar to be sent packing with her son, Abraham did what she wanted.
    • Why? She called him lord.  She respected her husband.
  • Esther 1:9-12 – Queen Vashti dishonored King Ahasuerus by disobeying him
    • [Est 1:9]  Also Vashti the queen made a feast for the women in the royal house which belonged to king Ahasuerus.
      [Est 1:10]  On the seventh day, when the heart of the king was merry with wine, he commanded Mehuman, Biztha, Harbona, Bigtha, and Abagtha, Zethar, and Carcas, the seven chamberlains that served in the presence of Ahasuerus the king,
      [Est 1:11]  To bring Vashti the queen before the king with the crown royal, to shew the people and the princes her beauty: for she was fair to look on.
      [Est 1:12]  But the queen Vashti refused to come at the king’s commandment by his chamberlains: therefore was the king very wroth, and his anger burned in him.
  • The man is responsible for how he leads, and is accountable to the Lord.
    • [Heb 13:17]  Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.
  • Trust means so much to a man.
  • Trust says “I believe in you”, and it encourages the man to do more.
  • Trusting is difficult, especially when the man does not deserve to be trusted.  However, focus on the positive, and trust God to develop the man
  • Pray for him that he will become the man that God created him to be.
  • Trust the man, and let him lead.  Encourage him to grow as a leader.
    • [Pro 31:11]  The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
      [Pro 31:12]  She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
  • He may not always be right, but he is always responsible.
  • Trusting the husband is not an excuse to follow him into sin.
    • There are marriages where the husband has led the wife into pornography.  All in the name of trust.
  • Always back up your husband.
  • 1 Sam 25 – Abigail covered up the stupidity of Nabal – sparing his life and her household from being destroyed by David.
    • [1Sa 25:18]  Then Abigail made haste, and took two hundred loaves, and two bottles of wine, and five sheep ready dressed, and five measures of parched corn, and an hundred clusters of raisins, and two hundred cakes of figs, and laid them on asses.
      [1Sa 25:19]  And she said unto her servants, Go on before me; behold, I come after you. But she told not her husband Nabal.
    • No wonder David married her after Nabal died.  A woman full of wisdom like this will do him good.
  • Let him know you believe in him and you want him to succeed.
  • A man feels loved when wife says
    • Wherever you go and whatever you do, I am in it with you all the way
    • You can count on me
    • Whatever I can do to help, just tell me.
  • However, don’t act like a mother to him.  You are not his mother.
  • Accept your husband as he is.
  • Do not try to change him
  • Men feel loved when they are accepted with all their imperfections.
  • Attempting to change him will result in nagging
    • A nagging wife is always complaining and can drive a man crazy – remember Samson & Delilah
      • [Jdg 16:16]  And it came to pass, when she pressed him daily with her words, and urged him, so that his soul was vexed unto death;
      • Samson felt Delilah’s nagging was going to kill him.
    • The man will feel there is nothing he can do to make the wife happy
    • So, he will stop trying.
    • The wife can mention her concerns or frustrations, not just in a nagging manner
    • [Pro 31:26]  She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
  • If anything needs to change in the man, take it to the Lord in prayer in your closet.  The Holy Spirit will work on him for you.
    • Don’t pray such prayer in his presence.
  • Don’t compare your husband to another husband
Triple A
  • Admiration, Appreciation, Affection
  • When you admire, appreciate, and show affection to your husband
    • He may pretend to not like it, but deep down in his heart, he is glowing and bubbling.
  • Men are turned on by praise.
  • Men appreciates attention to physical beauty
    • Don’t give room to the devil by not taking care of yourself.
    • Fix your hair, fix your nails, wear perfume that makes you smell good
    • If your husband likes make-up, wear it for him
    • Don’t roam about the house with wrapper all the time like an old woman
  • Men are visually stimulated
    • Stimulate your husband by your appearance
  • Men value physical affection
  • Healthy sexual relationship with your spouse is a requirement in a marriage
  • 1 Cor. 7:2-5
    • [1Co 7:2]  Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
      [1Co 7:3]  Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
      [1Co 7:4]  The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
      [1Co 7:5]  Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
    • Sex is a responsibility, not a right
    • It’s about giving, not about getting. After all, the Bible says it is better to give than to receive.
    • It’s about pleasing, rather than being pleased
    • Wives should say yes to sex as often as possible….make it a priority.
    • There is no law that says women cannot take the initiative
    • If Sara can still say yes to father Abraham at 89 years old….
    • Even if you are fasting and your spouse says, how now?  You better come down from the mountain and handle your business.  Then go back to the mountain to avoid the temptation of the devil.
    • If you stay on the mountain and there is fire in the valley, you may need to stay longer in the mountain to quench the fire.
    • Before you go on a long fast, make sure your spouse is in agreement, so there are no surprises
  • Men loves it when a woman wants them
    • Show him that you need him always
    • Forget all that independent woman nonsense.  If a woman wants to be independent, don’t marry.
  • If you don’t allow your husband to lead, you are not rebelling against the man, but against God.
  • You are to complete him and not compete with him.
  • To make a man feel loved, the wife must:
    • Submit to his leadership – even if he’s an unbeliever
      • [1Pe 3:1]  Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
    • Respect him
    • Trust him
    • Support him
    • Accept him
    • Admire him
    • Appreciate him
    • Show affection to him